Imagine this scenario: You are driving to work. Traffic is heavy. Suddenly, another car comes out of nowhere and cuts right in front of you and you barely avoid hitting the other car. Your heart starts to pound, both from the near accident and from anger. How dare they? Do they think they own the road?

Everyone loses their temper from time to time, and the above scenario would make most of us pretty angry. Road rage is a serious problem. But uncontrolled anger can lead to problems in our lives. You could say something that you will regret, you may find yourself yelling at your kids over trivial offenses, you may send angry texts or emails that you almost immediately regret. You could find yourself making threats against people or even resorting to physical violence, both of which could cause serious legal problems–and injury–for you.

So what do you do? Everyone expects us to be able to control our tempers, but very few of us are taught how. Fortunately, you can learn how to control your temper, both by learning anger management techniques and learning more about anger itself.

Anger Management Techniques

Very frequently, anger management techniques are taught in classes rather than therapy sessions.  Anger management classes are based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and are based on learning to reframe our thoughts. You will learn how to recognize anger and respond in an appropriate way, and how to be assertive rather than aggressive. Your thoughts and behaviors can either fuel your emotions or reduce them, and in anger management classes you will learn how to reduce them.

One of the first things you will learn how to do is to recognize your triggers: What is it that makes you angry on a regular basis? It could be traffic, long lines to get coffee, or dealing with poor customer service. You also learn to recognize the warning signs that happen just before you lose your temper. Your heart rate may increase, your face might start to feel hot, your mind may start to race and your muscles tense. Take a second to evaluate your anger: Will it help in the situation or will it make it worse? Will your anger give you the energy you need to work to solve a societal problem, or will you put your fist through a wall?

Step away from the situation. If the person you are angry at is someone you may never see again, just step away. If you are in a confrontation with someone close to you, like your husband or wife, you need to step away from the situation so you can calm down and think about the issue rationally. In this instance, you need to explain to the person that the issue is important and that you want to talk about it when you can be calm and rational, and then maybe even set a time to discuss the issue. Don’t use stepping away from the situation as a way of avoiding the issue; that isn’t fair to the other person.

You may want to discuss your anger with a friend, or you might want to talk about something else. While suppressing your anger is not healthy, ruminating on it can make you even angrier. Going out for a walk or run, though, can be a very healthy thing to do when you are angry.

You will learn to reframe your thoughts. Take the first example at the beginning of this piece: being cut off on the freeway. You immediately can begin to think that the other driver is a bad driver, an idiot, a selfish jerk, etc., and let that experience set a negative tone for the next part of your day. Or you can think that perhaps the driver was preoccupied. Maybe he was late for an interview. Maybe his wife was about to have a baby and they were racing to the hospital. Or maybe he just didn’t see you. It wasn’t about you at all. You will also learn the importance of relaxation. Take deep breaths, and consciously relax your muscles. Let the incident go.

Explore Your Anger

The next time you are angry, take a few minutes to think about why you are angry. Think about what emotion may be underneath the anger. Frequently, anger is a mask to cover another emotion, like fear, or sadness, or disappointment. For example, the mother of a toddler may become angry when her child misbehaves. But underneath the anger could be the fear that people will think she is a bad mother. Or it can be unresolved trauma underneath the anger. A husband comes home late. His wife explodes and says that he is always late. It may be that in a previous relationship, her partner was always late and she began to feel like she didn’t matter, which is a very painful feeling. By looking at her anger, she perhaps will begin to realize that what’s bothering her is the fear that she isn’t important to her current partner, when that isn’t the case at all.

Anger and Substance Abuse

People who frequently feel angry may turn to drugs or alcohol to make themselves calmer–have a drink and relax. But because alcohol and other substances can lead to a loss of control, that drink (or drinks) that you have to calm down may actually make your anger worse. A quick walk around the block or three minutes of relaxation exercises may be a much better source of relief when you are angry.

Anger management issues and drug and alcohol use can be co-occurring disorders. Promising Outlook is one of the few drug and alcohol treatment centers that offers classes in the vital area of anger management. Located in Riverside, California, Promising Outlook offers drug and alcohol abuse treatment on an outpatient basis to both men and women. The center offers a comprehensive program designed to treat the patient as a whole, which is necessary for the recovery of the patient. Underlying traumas and mental health issues must be addressed if the patient is to truly recover. At Promising Outlook, an individual treatment program is developed for each patient based on their needs. Treatment modalities offered include cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, mindfulness based stress reduction, motivational interviewing, and psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is ready to begin their journey of recovery from drugs or alcohol, call (951) 783-2487.